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But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD-Joshua 24:15

Saturday, November 19, 2011

No Matter What

After we received our referral for Lily we went through all the steps recommended by our agency and had Lily’s medical reports sent to an international doctor for review.  She advised us to request additional medical reports that could confirm a diagnosis for her ‘special need’.  We talked to our agency and they told us they would request more information, but they sometimes did not receive additional reports.  With little information, but knowing there was a possibility of her having a disorder, we prayed over this little girl.  I had several restless nights of sleep, but a decision needed to be made.  Do we proceed with the adoption or let the fear of the unknown stop us?  I told Darren that if we had given birth to a child, that child would be ours no matter what.  When do we see this little girl as our daughter, no matter what?   He responded simply and sweetly, ‘now is the time’.  With that, I stopped wrestling with our decision.  I decided it was time to walk in faith, put all my trust in Jesus, and love this little girl no matter what…or did I?
On November 8th, the day after I sent out this blog to our family and friends, we received the additional medical reports. We sent it to the international doctor that we had been working  with.  She had it translated and forwarded us the results.   In one week, my faith has been tested once again.  What did we say…’no matter what’?  Can we still do this?  We now know that the future for our little girl is uncertain.   Lord, what do you want us to do?
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put all this in the blog, however, my purpose for doing the blog is to glorify God.   It is also an attempt to be as honest as I can about the adoption journey that we are on.  To not share this, would to have others only be on part of the journey.  I could just share the good parts…the easy parts…but would that glorify God?   
As a parent, I have always had hopes for my children…even before they were born.  Of course I wanted them to be healthy.  What parent doesn’t want their children to be born healthy?   I wanted so many things for them.  Now, I only want what God wants for them.  I want to see Lily as God sees her, after all He is her creator and He made her the way He wanted to create her.  Now He is calling our family to love her…no matter what.  To give her a forever family this side of heaven…no matter what.  I am so thankful that I am not doing this alone.  Left to myself…I would run from this.  In Philippians 4:13 the Bible reads “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.  He loves Lily.  He has graciously loved  me…with all my sin and all my imperfections.  He loves me… no matter what.  What else can I do, but to try and do the same.  Love no matter what…no matter what the cost, no matter what the disorder brings…no matter what I have to lay down.  Jesus Christ has paved a way and with Him we can walk through this…no matter what.

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